Election Discretion Part 3: The Awkward and the Familiar, Identity Crises and Other Special Awards

In putting their best foot forward, some candidates are bound to stick it into their mouths. Oh, the joy!

Part three of Election Discretion focuses on the whole awkwardness of the matter—from strange bedfellows and strange interviews to even stranger and more confusing candidates who seem to be suffering from identity crises. Wrapping up the list are some special awards which pretty much defy all logic and categorization.

Awkward Awards

Most Awkward Nickname Tandem

Dick and BF. Homoerotic much?

Most Awkward Moment in a Campaign Ad

Bongbong Marcos in NP’s “Opo.” This is the most awkward of political accommodations this season. First, there was the awkwardness of the Kilusang Bagong Lipunan’s attempted alliance with the NP, which drove Satur Ocampo and Liza Maza to withdraw from the slate. After patching things up, here comes the male senatorial slate’s “Opo” ad, where Bongbong sticks out like a sore thumb. Being a Marcos, he definitely can’t speak under the banner of “Galit ka ba sa pangungurakot?,” so I have a feeling that the category “Kontra ka ba sa kasalukyang administrasyon” was created solely for his sake.  Moreover, Bongbong’s line is the lamest: “Opo, kontrang-kontra.” Pilit kung pilit. Awkwarrrrrdddd.

Honorable Mention
Col. Ariel Querubin in the same ad, for his selfish and petty line “Opo, pinakulong nila ako.” Can all our country’s inmates cite that as a reason to oppose the administration?

Most Awkward Tagline in a TVC

Richard Gordon – “Laging Gising.” It’s funny enough that he makes himself sound like an insomniac in this Christmas ad. What’s even funnier is the though of a Dick na “laging gising.” Mmm. Laging gising dahil may BF? See Awkward Awards: Most Awkward Nickname Tandem.

Most Awkward TV Interview

Ara Mina with Mo Twister, I.M.O. on ANC. Ara Mina (Hazel Reyes in real life), running for a Quezon City councilor post, is interviewed by Mo Twister. Mo: “For or against private armies?” Ara: “For.” So begins one of the most unbelievable conversations with any of this season’s political aspirants.

Most Awkward Postering Strategy

Buhay Partylist, for prominently posting campaign materials beside motels like SOGO and Eurotel. Siguro mga sanggol nga talaga ang represented sector nila, at saan pa nga ba ginagawa ang mga sanggol?

Remember Bitoy's version of Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"? The birit climax goes: "Sanggol, sanggol..."

Buhay Partylist's poster at Eurotel along Aurora Avenue, Cubao. Photo contributed by Aldwin (thanks, man!)

Most Awkward Copyright Infringement

Mikey Arroyo’s partylist, Ang Galing Pinoy, was found to have plagiarized word-for-word the constitution and by-laws of the very anti-Arroyo Bayan Muna Partylist. The best form of flattery, I guess?

Honorable Mention
Risa Hontiveros – “President GMA for Villaroyo.” See Looks Family Awards: Worst Copyright Infringement Award.

Awkward Moment with Animals Award

Teofisto Guingona III, for being anti-crocodile. Kudos to TG for the use of illustration in his campaign, but I wonder if PETA will raise a howl because of TG’s pummeling of a crocodile head with conviction.

Crocodiles may be endangered in the wild, but not in government.

Awkward Ponytail Award

Risa Hontiveros. Remember the joke about the super singkit girl? “Mommy, mommy, bakit parang ang sikip ng ponytail ko…” Risa’s campaign poster reminds me of that joke. Ang sikip ng ponytail, nasasaktan ako para sa kanya.

Risa Hontiveros: Pinusod ang laban.

Sariling Atin Award

Akbayan nominee Walden Bello disses LP’s tagline. Prof. Bello criticized the “Kung Walang Corrupt, Walang Mahirap” campaign line, arguing that economic policy, not corruption, causes poverty. Akbayan Partylist is affiliated with the LP.

"Laban nating lahat?" Bakit parang hindi n'yo pa napagkasunduan?

Looks Family Awards

In the mainstream TV and film industries, the word “peg” has evolved from meaning “something like” to “something EXACTLY like.” Ripoffs in election propaganda are as rife as ripoffs of network TV shows, so I’ve decided to honor this election season’s most prominent copycats.

The worst copyright infringement award should have gone to…

Manny Villar – “Scroll.” A much-publicized borrowing of a Cannes award-winning Argentinean political ad. Manggagaya na lang, dun pa sa kandidatong natalo.

(Note: The creator of the Villar ad is the Philippine office of the same global agency, TBWA, as the creators of the Argentinean ad. So it’s used with permission. But still.)

…but the award goes to…

Risa Hontiveros – “President GMA for Villaroyo.” Surely, Villar’s campaign jingle was reproduced without permission. Manggagaya na nga lang, yung sa manggagaya pa.

Honorable Mention
Jinggoy Estrada – I don’t know the title, but that MJ-inspired video. Isipin na lang natin na homage to the King of Pop ito. Jinggoy ripped off Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” video, down to the shots and choreography. (I’m still looking for a link online, please give me a heads up if you find one.)

Gibo Teodoro – “Sulong Gibo.” Obviously, with the rock band + airport/hangar theme they were going for U2’s “Beautiful Day,” but the final output just looks more Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way.” In fairness, ang cute nung batang piloto na lead character dun sa video. Parang gusto ko na rin makilipad with him. Hihihi

Lito Lapid. For looking like an Erap impersonator on his campaign posters.

Spot the difference.

Identity Crisis Awards

Identity Crisis of the Year

BH, who transformed from councilor (Bernadette Herrera-Dy) to partylist (Bagong Henerasyon). Naging marginalized sector siya, mga kapatid. Hindi ko kinaya.

Spot the difference ulit.

Agawan ng Pangalan Award

PACYAW (Pilipino Association for Country – Urban Poor Youth Advancement and Welfare), which may be confused with Manny Pacquiao’s PBA Partylist, you know?

Spot the difference ulit.

Agawan ng Kulay Award

Manny Villar and Erap Estrada, for sharing the same prison orange color.

Agawan ng Mukha Award

Bongbong Marcos, for managing to look like both Jamby Madrigal (in his Netopia wallpaper ads) AND Fanny Serrano (in his campaign posters). How queer!

Bongbong as Jamby (left) and Fanny (right). Tarush!

Honorable Mention

Lito Lapid, for thinking that people will vote for him if he looked like Erap. See Looks Family Awards: Honorable Mention.

Liza Maza, for looking like Lord of Scents Joel Cruz. See Special Awards: Best Makeover.

Agawan ng Role Award

PPCRV, for acting like it’s part of COMELEC.

Special Awards

The Cheerleader Effect Award

For those who aren’t avid fans of How I Met Your Mother, “the cheerleader effect” is when a group of girls appears to be incredibly hot collectively, but if you study them individually, wala na. Therefore, maganda lang sila kapag magkakasama. The candidate who milked this principle best is Manny Villar, who, in group videos with his male slate, always sandwiches himself with the most gwapo members of his slate, Adel Tamano and Gilbert Remulla. Gwapo osmosis? Pogi by association? Dream on, Manny. Good try, though.

Spot the difference pa rin?

Best in PE Award

Pia Cayetano, for her house-to-house campaign in full cycling gear. Pinangatawanan ang Pinay in Action!

Will this get her ahead in the election race?

Honorable Mention
Gilbert Remulla, for his exercise reference in his tagline “Hakbang sa Kinabukasan” with matching two feet for L’s in his campaign poster.

Best in PE awardees: Gilbert and Pia Pia Pia

Gamitan Award

Mar Roxas, for marrying Korina Sanchez. Mar achieves two things: 1. Get huge, extended media coverage for free, and 2. Establish that he’s straight (for conservative/homophobic votes). Korina achieves one thing: make it seem possible for a man to want to be romantically involved with her.

The Kiss. ECHOS!

Damitan Award

Satur Ocampo, for sporting a bodyfit shirt in the NP’s “Opo” ad. Kaya mo yan, Franklin Drilon?

Satur Ocampo: Fit 'n Left

Honorable Mention
Candidate no. 20, Miss Risa Hontiveros, for her perpetual sash. Beauty queen na beauty queen ang dating!

Sashay! "Kailangan ng laban" = "In search of a fight"?

Noynoy Aquino, for dressing up/concealing his bald spot sa TV ads.

Best Makeover

Liza Maza’s hair. From Joel Cruz to Sheryl Cruz.

Bongga ka 'day! Keep up the look!

Noynoy Aquino. From nobody to Obama-Me.

From "Sino siya?" to "Siya na nga!" Plus, he grew hair!

Miss Congeniality

Loren Legarda, for being extremely friendly and accommodating to all political parties (read: political prostitute).

Epic Fail Award

COMELEC, because of the faulty machines, unaccommodated registrants, overpriced ballot secrecy folders, delayed and insufficient ballot printing, and the overall seemingly inevitable failure of elections! NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Electioneering Award

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who else? This is a woman who has made streetsweepers’ backs shout her name, who has made trains and footbridges thank her, and who has inflicted her ugly face upon us all, hoping to perpetuate her power. Salamat, Pangulong Arroyo, and fuck you, you little imp!

Her name all over the MRT...

...and footbridges. Salamat, ha?!

Read the rest of Election Discretion
Part 1: Videos and Taglines
Part 2: Virals and Endorsers, Jejemons and Assumptionistas