Isang Binti Ka Lang, China!
The Karate Kid
Director: Harald Zwart
Cast: Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson
I saw the new Karate Kid movie on a bus in EDSA. Viva piracy! I wasn’t really planning to watch the film, but the traffic was bad and the copy was decent.
Jaden Smith as the new Karate Kid is the latest in the slew of black accommodations after Barack Obama’s inauguration, the most prominent of which include first black Disney princess (The Princess and the Frog) and the campaign for a black Spiderman.
In the inevitable face-off at the end, the Black Kid goes against this ruthless Chinese Kid. America vs China. Imperialist showdown in da hauz! The Obama connection couldn’t have been more obvious.
The fight is intensely close. The Black Kid is suffering from a leg injury (debilitating economic recession?), which puts him at a disadvantage. The Evil Chinese Trainor, dressed in a wicked black-and-red tracksuit (those old-generation Communist devils!), instructs the Chinese Kid to take advantage of the injury, rasping in cruel-sounding Chinese, “No mercy!” Break the leg! Which the Chinese Kid dutifully does.
Ouch! cries the Black Kid. But his Chinese-American trainor (Jackie Chan, woohoo!) and his mother (Taraji P. Henson) urge him to be strong, to get back up and fight. Which he does. (What kind of mother is that, your kid’s leg is broken for pete’s sake!)
The Black Kid gets back up on one leg, strikes a karate pose, and with a single acrobatic kick, thwacks the beejezus out of the Chinese Kid. Victory. O ha, isang binti lang yun, ligwak na yung mga chekwa.
The Chinese Kid and the rest of the karate team accept defeat almost instantly, deserting the old-school (Communist?) Evil Chinese Trainor and bowing down with newfound respect towards the Good (neoliberal?) Chinese-American one. Hindi lang evil yung mga chekwa, talunan na, balimbing pa.
Kids, the moral of the story is simple.
- Their President’s skin color might be different, but America will still be at the top.
- Americans are better at everything. They can even out-Chinese the Chinese.
- These kids are the new generation. In the future, expect the Chinese (and everyone else) to kowtow to America.
- Reach for your dreams! When you’re struck down, get back up. Malay mo, ikaw pala ang mag-Reyna Elena. Bongga! #
Entry filed under: Edgar Allan Paule, Foreign films, Full length films. Tags: america, barack obama, black representation, china, harald zwart, imperialism, jackie chan, karate, karate kid, kung fu, obama, taraji p. henson, the karate kid, united states.